Foxy Wine News Network joins with "Thiis Is That"

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – The Foxy Wine News Network, enjoyed by over 4,000 nightly viewers, is now pleased to announce a mutual P2P partnership with the CBC Radio show, "This Is That".

 

Effective July 1, immediately after "This Is That" returns for a second season, Foxy Wine News Network will be responsible for supplying wine spoofs and parodies to the radio show.

 

This cross-association between "This Is That" and the Foxy Wine News Network should in no way impinge on the veracity and non-commercial nature of the public broadcaster, the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation.

 

On the other hand, Foxy Wine News Network's status will be increased immeasurably.

 

More on this story as the situation evolves…

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com

 

 

LCBO to buy and sell alcohol only in Euros

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – The Foxy Wine News Network today has learned that the Liberal Control of Beverages for Ontario, A Clown, er, Clone, er, Crown Corporation of a Have-Not Province led (for the moment) by The Grate McGinty is poised for a major reconsideration and reconstruction of its currency policy.

 

The LCBO stated: "In addition to currency fluctuations, many factors go into pricing alcohol: freight costs, projected demand and what the competition is doing are some of the other considerations".

 

If prices on American or European products don't drop, it's not necessarily the LCBO who's benefiting, the spokesperson added. Roughly 90 per cent of the products on the LCBO General List are from suppliers who price their products in Canadian dollars when they are issuing quotes to the LCBO, she said. That means any benefit from a rising Canadian dollar would go towards wineries, breweries and distilleries, if the shelf price doesn't budge.

 

"It's really up to the supplier in most cases if they want to pass on the savings," she said. "We certainly pass them along when we can. We're not hanging on to the extra money."

 

In the high-end Vintages and Classics ranges, more suppliers tend to price their products in their local currency. Everything from bourbon to bottles of Burgundy and Bordeaux could be coming down in price.

 

In order to ensure that this happens to all alcohol (including the General List), the LCBO will now be buying and selling wine only in Euros, the preferred currency of the Western World. This will roll out individual controls such as protection for the wines of Portugal and Greece -- both countries are in serious financial quagmires and need bailing out -- as does Irish beer and spirits.

 

The United States, facing default on its loans, may do better in the alcohol business if it converts US dollars to Euros when selling to the LCBO.

 

For its part, the LCBO will re-jig their local cash registers and offer the consumer a bill in Euros, which can then be charged or debited through a Euro account or a dollar account (with the bank mark-up fees).

 

Said the LCBO: "Then it would be out of our hands, and up to the banks to decide what to charge their clients. We're only interested in selling alcohol."

 

Cash sales would have to be in Euros, and ATMs will be put into every store. The cash register receipt will clearly show all applicable taxes and freight charges, mark-ups, customs fees, and the like – in Euros. This will make a level playing field, on which the LCBO both buys and sells alcohol in Euros.

 

As with all alcohol matters, Ontario and BC wineries are exempt from selling and buying in Euros.

 

More on this remarkable story as it progresses…

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com

BREAKING NEWS FLASH: Winefox.ca to "align" with Foxy News Network.

 

NEWSFLASH  -- BREAKING NEWS as it happens !!!!!

 

TRAWNA -- (GOSH Wine News Services) -- The Foxy Wine News Network(TM), enjoyed on television by over 4,000 Canadians every night, has joined forces with Winefox.ca.

 

Originally, Winefox.ca had filed a "cease-and-desist" letter with Foxy Wine News Network(TM), believing that Winefox.ca had prior exclusive rights to the words "fox" and "wine". They refused to believe in the existence of the Foxy Wine News Network(TM).

 

But that was before due diligence showed that Foxy Wine News Network(TM)  is a viable subsidiary of GOSH Wine New Services. Both legal teams have spent some time in coming up with a solution. It turns out that Winefox.ca is interested in some of the assets of the Foxy Wine News Network(TM).

 

So: instead of suing Foxy Wine News Network(TM) for $1,000,000, Winefox.ca has bought into the Foxy Wine News Network(TM), taking a minority interest with a silent partner position for that same amount of money.

 

From July 1 on, the Foxy Wine News Network(TM) will report on all happenings at Winefox.ca, and Winefox.ca will share in the profits made from 4,000 sets of television eyeballs.

 

In the future, there will be other forms of partnerships such as buying wineries, importing wines, selling wine accessories, and other commercial applications.

 

Foxy Wine News Network(TM), a subsidiary of GOSH Wine News Services, will be reporting on all of these as they happen....

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com

 

 

Canadian blended wines to drop terroir

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – The Foxy Wine News Network has just learned that the Canadian Blended Wines Association (CBWA), an alliance of wineries dedicated to the production of 100% Canadian-blended wines, will announce its new blending philosophy at a press conference called for this afternoon.

 

On the table are a variety of wines that once had the name of Meritage or Conundrum, or simply Big Red or White or some other fantasy name. These wines are expected to be re-branded by the consortium, with an emphasis on a complete lack of terroir. The idea is to produce red and white wines from 100% Canadian grapes that will show no influence of microclimates, soils, winemaking techniques, oaking, etc. – nothing whatsoever.

 

"We will defy anybody learning where these wines are from. We will name the grape varieties, according to law, but not the percentages used. We will name the vintage but not the location," said a spokesperson. Apparently, some of the wines used may also be from out-of-province, reminiscent of the old Unity label from Vincor, A Constellation Company.

 

"We strongly believe in the future, and the future suggests that wines will sell better if they have no terroir. Besides, it is easier to get them across the border without the word terroir on them," continued the spokesperson.

 

Of particular value to the CBWA is the fact that many of these wines can be vended to tasting competitions run by the Master Sommeliers or Masters of Wines.

 

"They'll be hard to guess at, and could prove to be a tiebreaker of a wine in the taste game. Could anybody name these grapes and location? We think not."

 

All wines will be sold at the Liberal Control of Beverages for Ontario, A Clown, er, Clone, er, Crown Corporation of a Have-Not Province led (for the moment) by The Grate McGinty.

 

More on this story as it develops…

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com

Foxy Wine News Network releases relevant booze WikiLeaks material

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – The Foxy Wine News Network, watched by up to 1,000 viewers in that most highly prized 24 to 54 demographic, has just received the latest batch of WikiLeaks which concerns Ontario.

 

Buried within the trash of reports and emails was a gem of government concerns about the Good People of Ontario. Here's a verbatim excerpt from last year, with blocked names of individuals:

 

 

Committee Chair: "I know, but if you're the minister and you were getting 1,000 complaints a day of whatever nature about the [BLOCKED] Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er, Clone, er, Crown Corporation of A Have-Not Province Controlled by The Grate [BLOCKED], you would have told them, 'Hey, there's something going on here, people aren't happy'?"

Minister: "I can't speak for past ministers. They have to speak for themselves. But all I can tell you is, that it stands to reason that if you have a complaint about the tactics of a government agency the last place you're going to complain about that is to the government agency. You're going to complain to your duly elected local [BLOCKED}."

Committee Chair: "But then why aren't people tabling all those complaints? Because we don't have them."

Minister: "I got a letter in my question period book from an [BLOCKED} who complained to the minister about that very topic. So to say they don't exist is not true."

Committee Chair: "But they're not in the hundreds, they're not in the thousands..."

Minister: "I can't quantify. Even if there's one complaint, if it's a legitimate complaint, even if there's one complaint from a [BLOCKED] about the tactics used by a government agency we have to consider that complaint a valid question about public policy."

Committee Chair: "Sure, but we don't change public policy for one person do we?"

Minister: "Why not? If they're right."

Committee Chair: "We change public policy for one person?"

Minister: "If they're right."

 

More on the reaction to this particular WikiLeak as it happens…

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com

 

 

The Beer Store raises majority age needed for return of bottles

TRAWNA –(GOSH Wine News Services) – The Foxy Wine News Network, proudly watched by almost 4,000 people nationwide, was stunned today to learn about The Beer Store's problems with LCBO bottle returns.

 

In the Annual Report filed by the Ministry of Bottle Returns, Foxy Wine News Network read that the top-heavy bureaucratic management layering has created well over a dozen positions that "sunshine" salary legislation shows make over $100,000 a year each.

 

In addition, The Beer Store, running at a loss. was forced to promulgate and enforce new rules for bottle returns: Since you must be 19 or over (and prove it) to BUY bottles of alcoholic beverages and pay deposits, then you must be 19 or over to RETURN the bottles for the deposit money.

 

This has the concurrence of the Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er, Clone, er, Crown Corporation of A Have-Not Province Controlled by The Grate McGinty.

 

Apparently, sources tell us, The Beer Store has taken back vast quantities of empty bottles of gourmet olive oil and vinegars for deposit. They look too much like wine bottles. "It's been the young kids that do this, looking for a quick buck," said one source.

 

Another said that harried The Beer Store employees do not take the time to properly read labels. They miss the Nutritional Data listed on each bottle, a tip-off that the bottle is not an alcoholic beverage container and thus has had no deposit paid on it.

 

A third source reported that the Government of Ontario, A Have-Not Province, is losing millions of dollars each day. This money is needed to cover both the salaries of the layered management at the MBR and the mandatory training programs in "label reading" authorizewd for the Turks and Caicos Islands' seminar centres.

 

Foxy Wine News Network finds it hard to believe that that many bottles of olive oil and vinegars are sold each day in the province. There is some talk about the Seinfeld-Kramer Trucking Company bringing in empty bottles from Quebec and Manitoba.

 

More on this story as we develop the necessary research skills to investigate sales of olive oils and vinegars in Canada…

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com

ICBM launch of new Cellared in Canada wines

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – The Foxy Wine News Network has just learned that the newly-formed International and Canadian Blends Moguls (ICBMs), an alliance devoted to the reformed CellaredInCanada™ program, will be launching two new series of wines.

 

The first series will be a critter series. "We did the due diligence thing," said a spokesperson the ICBM, "but found to our dismay that all of the best critter names were taken. Nevertheless, we are forging ahead with new red and white wines from off-shore and in-shore content, reflecting the character of the original countries, whether Chile, Argentina, Italy or Canada."

 

When asked what we can expect from the new names, the ICBM said, "We can still use critter names such as Scapegoat, Polecat, Cougar, Snake in the Grass, and Nag. All of these are under consideration."

 

The other series of wines, expected to appeal to a younger crowd by virtue of their low-alcohol content of some ten percent, will embrace the names of social media. There'll be a red wine label headed OMG, another dedicated to LOL, a third to RTFM, another to ROTFL, and even one labelled BFF. One can just imagine the ad campaign for BFF: hey, where's the beef?

 

The social media wines will be heavily advertised on Facebook, Twitter, My Space, LinkedIn, Blogger, Blogspot, and other sites for social writings. There will be no print or broadcast advertising, except for the critter wines.

 

At one time the ICBM was seriously interested in buying Freggie™ the all-fruit, all-vegetable wine, but research showed that the wine was 100% domestic and hence ineligible for funding as an ICB by Ontario, A Have-Not Province. The hostile takeover was quietly dropped.

 

All wines will be sold at the Liberal Control of Beverages for Ontario, A Clown, er, Clone, er, Crown Corporation of a Have-Not Province led (for the moment) by The Grate McGinty.

 

More on this story as it develops…

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com

--
Posted By Dean Tudor to FauxVoix VinCuisine at 5/23/2011 04:07:00 PM

Foxy Wine News Network to detail SomewhereElse wines

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – The Foxy Wine News Network, which launched last month to a stunning audience of 4,000 nationwide (almost 1,000 in the most-prized demographic group!), has just learned that the International and Canadian Blends Moguls (ICBMs) have created yet another line of wines.

 

To be named SomewhereElse™, the line will comprise some "100% homegrown fruit" (the word "homegrown" has not yet been defined) and be available for sale only in the wine stores operated by the ICBMs, which have all been re-branded as "Incoming Stores".

 

It is to be hoped that trading on the name "SomewhereNess" will direct a sales flow to the wine stores. Directors of SomwehereNess were not available for comment.

 

SomewhereElse™ will be up against Freggie™ the 100% homegrown fruit AND vegetable wine. A spokesperson for the ICBMs saw no conflict with Freggie™ since the latter's fruit is non-grape in form.

 

The new wine war between SomewhereElse™ and Freggie™ will be one of water rights for the stretch water component. Such territorial aggression will give new meaning to the ICBM's use of the word "Incoming" to describe their new offerings at their re-branded stores.

 

The Fruit Wineries of Ontario, who have a vested interest in Freggie™, are incensed over the matter, and they promise to launch a terroir-driven series of fruit wines emphasizing farms and orchards. Fruit varietals will be matched against soil samples; the process is expected to take several years.

 

The Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er, Clone, er Crown Corporation of A Have-Not Province Ruled by The Grate McGinty has already suggested that they want nothing to do with the quarrels. Said a spokesperson, "This is all an internal matter, it has nothing to do with us. But of course they do need to resolve it".

 

More on this story as it develops…

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com

 

 

VQA systrem a fabrication, entirely made up in 1992

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – The Foxy Wine News Network (with up to 4,000 viewers nationally) has just learned, to its astonishment, that a group of "leading Ontario winemakers" will be announcing this week at the SomewhereNess consumer show that the whole VQA system within Ontario viticulture was "entirely fabricated" between 1992 and 1994 by a team of winery project managers working "non-stop" to forge the relevant evidence.

 

Top investigative wine reporter Brett Grimsby has been following this story for days now, and he files his report based on several interviews with Miffed Mole, the collective name for our sources who are familiar with the situation, and who spoke to him on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to divulge details while they were very close to the centre of discussions and while the matter under consideration had not yet been finalized nor announced to the public. While the decisions may or may not have been finalized internally, and while an announcement on the matter may or may not be imminent, possibly within the next week or two, that specific timeline is not really known. Sources should not be held responsible for the speculative and/or playful treatment of their research and/or disclosures.

 

Foxy Wine News, sifting through the documentation, has been pretty impressed with the evidence. They have been overwhelmed with names, dates, figures…

 

"We just started making things up," a spokesman explained. "Icewine, Meritage, vinifera such as Cabernet Franc (Cabernet what? Think about it), terroirs, the Bench system (St. David's? Welsh. Beamsville? Fred C. Dobbs), stretch water, hybrids such as Baco Noir or Vidal, Lake Erie North Shore (really? OMG), all the different legislation and Byzantine regulations, everything. Our biggest coup was sucking in the British Columbia government to copy our scheme. Nova Scotia was smarter: they did their due diligence."

 

Icewine, for example, was actually the work of a winery intern, a second year student at Brock University named Dwayne.

 

When asked to comment, a spokesperson for the Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er, Clone, er, Crown Corporation of A Have-Not Province Controlled by The Grate McGinty said, "That's the first I've heard of this. Our shelves are brimming with VQA products: it's real. You can see the logo on the bottles. How can they just make this up?"

 

The consortium of "leading Ontario winemakers", when notified of this response, simply stated: "Pretty tricky, huh?"

 

More on this startling development as it breaks wide open…

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com

Foxy Wine News Network creates two new Reality wine shows.

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – The Foxy Wine News Network, viewed by up to 4,000 responsible people nationally, every night, continues to introduce new content.

 

First, Foxy Wine has secured the rights to Sarah Palin's Alaska series which promotes whitewater rafting, dog sledding, ATVing, game hunting and fishing. But they've introduced Canadian wine variations.

 

The spin-off for Ontario will be called "Tom Whodat's Niagara West-Glanbrook". It will cover the Peninsula, with Icewine banging, Asian lady bug crawling, pomace disposal, CellaredInCanada™ blending, burning vines and BBQ, VQA regulations, and other fun and games. There'll be a chance for viewers to connect through social media such as Fritter, Really Stupid Syndication (RSS), or My Face.

 

Second, Foxy Wine will begin its first reality television program, pitting CellaredInCanada™ and ICBM blends against VQA wines. They'll have naïve wine drinkers and some wine experts such as writers and sommeliers going through blind tastings of verticals and horizontals. There will be terroir specializations with right-wing terrorist groups.

 

They promise that someone will gag every week. And that someone else will get smashed or blotto and do funny things. The cameras will get right down inside the spittoon for that inside story. There'll be expectoration contests. There will be green room visits.

 

And, at the end of each show, one wine and one taster will be voted off the program. The last one standing, both a wine and a taster, will be guaranteed shelf space and a job at the Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er, Clone, er, Crown Corporation of A Have-Not Province Controlled by The Grate McGinty. There'll also be a chance for viewers to connect through Fritter, RSS, or My Face.

 

This reality show, to be hosted by Dean Tudor of GOSH Wine New Services, will be known as "Dino's Vino Wino".

 

Stay tuned – every night at 10 PM (Adult Content only).

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com