Hi Dean,
We have sold our wine brands to Concha y Toro.
Could you kindly unsubscribe me.
Thanks, Brad
From: Dean Tudor, Wine Writer [mailto:dtudor@pathcom.com]
Sent: Wednesday, February 01, 2012 5:36 PM
To: blog4
Subject: HoseMaster of Wine
The Hosemaster is back!! The funniest wine blog on the Internet (after my own FauxVoixVinCuisine, of course)...Take a look..it is compelling!!
TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – The Foxy Wine News Network, admired and watched by over 4,000 viewers each week night, wishes to issue an unreserved and sincere apology.
Last year, during the Ontario, A Have-Not Province, Sip and Savour activities, six of the VQA wines attending a "reaffirmation" ceremony for Ontario Wine Week in the Foxy Wine News Network studios turned out not to have been recently minted VQA wines after all. They were actually ICBMs, the International and Canadian Blended Moguls on sale at various private wine stores and even at the Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er, Clone, er, Crown Corporation of A Have-Not Province Controlled by The Grate McGinty. The bottles were told to smile and wave, and salute the flag as if they meant it.
The director of the ceremony was told by the Grower and Wine Allianz of Ontario to produce it like a school play. It was meant to be a soft news story, as are most of the segments on the Foxy Wine News Network.
The Foxy Wine News Network did not intend to deceive its viewers. It was only in good fun, and we wish to express our full insincerity over this matter. Starting tomorrow, the private wine stores have agreed to offer $2 off any ICBM wine that was on our television program. To get the toonie reduction, all you have to do is identify which label was on the show, and buy the bottle. We're not going to tell you; you must have watched and memorized the show. We have also taken down that particular segment from YouTube.
According to custom, the Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er, Clone, er, Crown Corporation of A Have-Not Province Controlled by The Grate McGinty, will automatically raise the wholesale price a similar amount, to compensate for the manufacturers' losses.
More on this apology after the
TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – The Foxy Wine News Network has learned today that the Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er, Clone, er, Crown Corporation of A Have-Not Province Controlled by The Grate McGinty, is poised to make a serious announcement at a Press Conference tomorrow.
Top investigative wine reporter Brett Grimsby has been following this serious story for days now, and he files his report based on several interviews with Miffed Mole, the collective name for our sources who are familiar with the situation, and who spoke to him on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to divulge details while they were very close to the centre of discussions and while the matter under consideration had not yet been finalized nor announced to the public. While the decisions may or may not have been finalized internally, and while an announcement on the matter may or may not be imminent, possibly within the next day, that specific timeline is not really known. Sources should not be held responsible for the speculative and/or playful treatment of their research and/or disclosures.
All of this will be announced sometime tomorrow after the Government of Ontario, A Have-Not Province, comes up with a pricing formula. At the presser, there will be a distribution of recipes -- and samples -- for tiramisu, apple charlotte, and trifle. These will later be found at the checkout cashier, minus the samples.
And in line with Twinkies' history, the wine-soaked versions will have a permanent shelf life....
TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – The Foxy Wine News Network, watched by just under 4,000 people every weeknight, has just learned that forensic accountants have been busy poring over the "recycle" books.
There have been loud rumours for some time that many of the bottles returned for their deposit fees have later gone missing. Apparently, the priority model for recycling is first to "reuse", and the rules have been diligently followed.
Top investigative wine reporter Brett Grimsby has been following this story for days now, and he files his report based on several interviews with Miffed Mole, the collective name for our sources who are familiar with the situation, and who spoke to him on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to divulge details while they were very close to the centre of discussions and while the matter under consideration had not yet been finalized nor announced to the public. While the decisions may or may not have been finalized internally, and while an announcement on the matter may or may not be imminent, possibly within the next week or two, that specific timeline is not really known. Sources should not be held responsible for the speculative and/or playful treatment of their research and/or disclosures.
The word on the street that has filtered to our reporters is that certain key empty bottles of wine, for example some French chateaux bottles or boutique cult California bottles, seem to have made their way over to South East Asia, principally to the emerging wine countries of Vietnam and Cambodia.
Cartons have been seen loaded into containers for shipment to the West Coast and then sent further east by cargo freighters. The suspicion is that these bottles are being re-filled in Asia with native brew and then passed off as
Said a government spokesperson, "All we know is that we got a reasonable request for specific types of recyclable bottles, for which we were being paid a premium. It was another source of revenue-generation for the Good People of Ontario. It was all laid out in the letter of agreement sent to us by a Mr. Cosmo Kramer. As of the end of the year, we were still honouring that letter, and we were still being paid. We'll get a windfall from the Christmas and New Year bottle returns.
He went on, "At least they didn't ask for a reciprocal purchase and shelf listing for snake wine."
Meanwhile, Foxy Wine News Network is still awaiting the forensic report…
TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – The Foxy Wine News Network, enjoyed by over 4,000 viewers on a nightly basis, is proud to announce its latest wine writer: government auditor Jim MacCarter. Truth is stranger than fiction: You simply cannot write this kind of parody/spoof…
He files this story from Queens Park--
"Recently I tabled my annual report with the Ontario Legislature, which (with the consent of the Grate McGinty) runs the Have-Not Province of Ontario. One of my highlights was noting that the alcohol wholesale pricing structure meant that wine, spirits, and beer cost more than necessary and that the monopoly makes lower profits than it could.
"In effect, I'm taking the Liberal Control of Beverages in
"A Wal-Mart would certainly go back to their supplier and say: 'Would you sell it to us cheaper?' We think a lot of suppliers would sell it to us cheaper, basically to get that shelf listing. The provincial monopoly is one of the biggest alcohol retailers in the world.
"Nobody else has that buying clout. The purchasing differs from private-sector retailers, which try to find the lowest wholesale prices. Instead, the Board focuses on the retail price it wants to charge for a product. Suppliers then work backwards and, at the Board's request, will raise or lower the wholesale cost of the product to fit within the company's price structure."
Apparently, The Grate McGinty's Finance Minister agrees. The Treasurer added that the Board's pricing polices are "counter-intuitive."
Stay on board for this one, folks -- it's compelling…
TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – The Foxy Wine News Network, watched by just over 4,000 viewers on a weeknight (fewer on the weekend), today announced its Christmas Holiday television line-up.
On Monday, December 12, at 9 PM (after the kiddies have gone to bed) enjoy "Snag It, Bag It and Tag It" – a guide to every cheap wine offered by the Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er, Clone, er, Crown Corporation of A Have-Not Province Controlled by The Grate McGinty. It's a two hour show, with about an hour for red wines and an hour for whites and roses. It is the same sort of deal as offered by the Board's "Brood & Think" magazine, that is, the entire shot is paid for by underachieving wine agents who must make ends meet in this age of The Scrooge. Repeats endlessly after every
On Tuesday, December 13, at
On Wednesday, December 14, again at
On Thursday, December 15, at
On Friday, December 16, at
Then, on Saturday, December 17, at
On Sunday, December 18, at
Foxy hopes you enjoy all these shows. Keep informed.
TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – The Foxy Wine News Network, proud home to over 4,000 viewers each working weeknight (more on unemployed weeknights), has learned that the Niagara Peninsula is using Google Earth to find rogue grape vineyards that don't have the proper permits.
Many of these vineyards are hidden away under the shelter of orchards. The town of
Such vineyards are extremely valuable; indeed, more valuable than the orchard canopies that they lurk under.
Violators were told to get the proper permits. So far about $65,000 in fees and penalties have been collected.
Agricultural inspectors said such vineyards were a taxing concern. Without the required inspections there was no way to know whether the vineyards were up to clonal standards.
"Consumers must be protected from scam grape varieties" said one inspector. "A Chardonnay musque must be a Chardonnay grape, not a
But some privacy advocates, such as those at Foxy Wine News Network and the GOSH Wine News Services, say the use of Google Earth to find scofflaw vineyards reeks of Big Brother and the Liberal Control of Beverages in
More on these rogue vineyards as the situation develops…
TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – The Foxy Wine News Network, adored by over 4,000 watchers nightly in prime time, today learned that the WGAO, WCO, VQA, and the Canadian Wine Hacks and Flacks Association have come together to hold a fundraiser for the PIIGS countries in their time of need.
Top investigative wine reporter Brett Grimsby has been following this story for days now, and he files his report based on several interviews with Miffed Mole, the collective name for our sources who are familiar with the situation, and who spoke to him on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to divulge details while they were very close to the centre of discussions and while the matter under consideration had not yet been finalized nor announced to the public. While the decisions may or may not have been finalized internally, and while an announcement on the matter may or may not be imminent, possibly within the next week or two, that specific timeline is not really known. Sources should not be held responsible for the speculative and/or playful treatment of their research and/or disclosures.
Essentially, the fundraiser (which has still to be approved by the Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er, Clone, er, Crown Corporation of a Have-Not Province Under the Thumb of The Grate McGinty) is in support of the poorer wineries and winemakers in those EU countries who are suffering within the Eurozone.
And the WGAO-WCO-VQA-CWHAFA consortium are also part of the enormous pressure being brought to bear on the LCBO to pay the PIIGS countries in a timely fashion for the wines that were imported to
Details on the fundraiser are few, but it is believed to incorporate a baked goods sale, a silent auction of rare wines from non-PIIGS countries, a tent with a BBQ and 40 chefs promoting their tapas, and wines poured by Fruit Wineries of Ontario.
In view of the upcoming "European Autumn", a riff on the Arab Spring, the fundraiser needs to be done sooner rather than later, but organizers fear that government red tape may slow down the event.
Expediency is the order of the day, for any delay brings the PIIGS wineries closer to fiscal disasters, with the resultant drop in prices that can only injure local wine sales in
More on this impending disaster as it happens…
