TRAWNA (GOSH Wine New Services) The Foxy Wine News Network, now enjoyed by over 5,000 nightly viewers, wishes to issue the following apology which was broadcasted in prime time:
"For the past two years, Dean Tudor, ace investigative reporter for GOSH Wine News Services and Foxy Wine News Network, had commented that the stretch water component of International and Canadian Blended wines was not a joke, that it was for real. We've read lots of your emails about your laughter, folks, but we've re-iterated over and over again that STRETCH WATER IS NOT A JOKE, THAT IT IS FOR
"Tudor has said it, over and over: STRETCH WATER IS REALITY, it is not a joke.
"Well, guess what, folks, IT ACTUALLY IS A JOKE -- that's right, Stretch Water (no relation to Stretch Cunningham) is a one-trick pony joke that has been perpetrated on the Canadian public.
"Dean Tudor wishes to apologize for insisting that stretch water is real. He defers to the judgment of the email writers and hacked voicemail messages, and he apologizes for his mistake. To not do so would be irresponsible. If he were to continue to make such mistakes and misstatements, and not correct them, especially if each and every one of those statements happened to go in one very particular direction on the political spectrum, that would undermine the very integrity and credibility that he works so hard to pretend to care about."
"Dean Tudor also apologizes for directly stealing this apology from another satirist. It was not intended to be a factual statement."