Monday, November 21, 2011

Rogue Vineyards found in Niagara

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – The Foxy Wine News Network, proud home to over 4,000 viewers each working weeknight (more on unemployed weeknights), has learned that the Niagara Peninsula is using Google Earth to find rogue grape vineyards that don't have the proper permits.


Many of these vineyards are hidden away under the shelter of orchards. The town of Beamsville, for example, has used the satellite image service to find about 200 vineyards whose owners never filled out the required paperwork.


Such vineyards are extremely valuable; indeed, more valuable than the orchard canopies that they lurk under.


Violators were told to get the proper permits. So far about $65,000 in fees and penalties have been collected.


Agricultural inspectors said such vineyards were a taxing concern. Without the required inspections there was no way to know whether the vineyards were up to clonal standards.


"Consumers must be protected from scam grape varieties" said one inspector. "A Chardonnay musque must be a Chardonnay grape, not a Muscat. With hidden vineyards, any clonal selection can be suspect."


But some privacy advocates, such as those at Foxy Wine News Network and the GOSH Wine News Services, say the use of Google Earth to find scofflaw vineyards reeks of Big Brother and the Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er, Clone, er, Crown Corporation of A Have-Not Province Controlled by The Grate McGinty.


More on these rogue vineyards as the situation develops…


Sunday, November 6, 2011

PIIGS Fundraiser in Ontario

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – The Foxy Wine News Network, adored by over 4,000 watchers nightly in prime time, today learned that the WGAO, WCO, VQA, and the Canadian Wine Hacks and Flacks Association have come together to hold a fundraiser for the PIIGS countries in their time of need.


Top investigative wine reporter Brett Grimsby has been following this story for days now, and he files his report based on several interviews with Miffed Mole, the collective name for our sources who are familiar with the situation, and who spoke to him on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to divulge details while they were very close to the centre of discussions and while the matter under consideration had not yet been finalized nor announced to the public. While the decisions may or may not have been finalized internally, and while an announcement on the matter may or may not be imminent, possibly within the next week or two, that specific timeline is not really known. Sources should not be held responsible for the speculative and/or playful treatment of their research and/or disclosures.


Essentially, the fundraiser (which has still to be approved by the Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er, Clone, er, Crown Corporation of a Have-Not Province Under the Thumb of The Grate McGinty) is in support of the poorer wineries and winemakers in those EU countries who are suffering within the Eurozone.


And the WGAO-WCO-VQA-CWHAFA consortium are also part of the enormous pressure being brought to bear on the LCBO to pay the PIIGS countries in a timely fashion for the wines that were imported to Ontario.


Details on the fundraiser are few, but it is believed to incorporate a baked goods sale, a silent auction of rare wines from non-PIIGS countries, a tent with a BBQ and 40 chefs promoting their tapas, and wines poured by Fruit Wineries of Ontario.


In view of the upcoming "European Autumn", a riff on the Arab Spring, the fundraiser needs to be done sooner rather than later, but organizers fear that government red tape may slow down the event.


Expediency is the order of the day, for any delay brings the PIIGS wineries closer to fiscal disasters, with the resultant drop in prices that can only injure local wine sales in Ontario (A Have-Not Province).


More on this impending disaster as it happens…